Times are changing and it’s during times like these that I need to be reminded of the type of person I’ve become. Four years have past in the blink of an eye and quite honestly I don’t recall most of what’s happened. What I do remember are the times that I wanted to throw my hands up in the air crying for mercy and the strength to press on forward. I remember the times when I questioned the very existence of where my life was leading me, and whether or not I agreed with what I was dealt with. Doubt, and frustration were consistently at the forefronts of my mind. Bitterness eventually developed into an entity that came alive and refused to be put back to sleep.
I am in no way even a sliver of the Glory and Perfection that I intend on becoming and attaining. I can’t stand on both my legs without confessing and writing down the countless times I broke the heart of my eternal Lover. There have been times when I cheated on You and put You aside for things that brought instant gratification but in turn stretched the never-ending void I thought I overcame. Without You by my side I lost a part of me that I probably will never get back.
I’ve lost faith in people I’ve trusted blindly for years forgetting that everyone is human and insecure. I’ve grown cold. I’ve made compromises. And I’ve become a liar in a lot of ways. But in the end, as I look back at the last four years of my undergraduate career I don’t have any regrets. I can’t have any regrets. So I look forward as I always have at the promise I have in You. I look to You for change and restoration. I look to You for strength and affection. I look to You for a wholeness that nobody else can bring for me. I’ve changed God, but I’m well aware of the fact that You still delight in the one whom You’ve invested so much of Your will in and that whatever I’ve become in this position of my life is the person I’ve been destined to be for this specific moment. I trust in that and surrender all again. You brought me out of the wilderness. You showed me that You will bring provision. I don’t honestly know how I was able to afford tuition for a private university for four years. I don’t know why my health declined so drastically and I really wished I didn’t have to endure that battle. I feel like I had to give up a huge portion of my spontaneity. But as I begin to close this book and move onto the next I say to You “Thank You”. Thank You for everything. Thank You for absolutely everything. I am truly unworthy.
So here I go again,
